Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Phone Check! (Is it right to check your mate's phone?)

Here's the thing, needing to know what your partner is doing, every minute of every day is not healthy. You should not need to audit every piece of communication they have. To me that does not sound like peace. It sounds like a stressful chaotic bout of paranoia that's guaranteed to keep you unhappy so long as the relationship exists.

Privacy in a relationship, specifically when it comes to checking one's cell phone/email messages/pictures/social media page should not be violated.  (Ever notice how many options we have now? I think back in the day all you could check was the mail!) There are many reasons why people feel as though they NEED to seek "evidence of mistrust" but should you really do it?

I took a poll about this on social media,  most people do not admit to going through their mates phones/social network pages/photo galleries etc. However, those who do, rationalize the action by saying, "If I'm suspicious, and I want to find something out, it's my right to check".  (It's your right to embark on someone else's personal information, so you can feel better. Sounds like stealing but .. hey not my business.)

Now what I didn't ask about in my poll question was the aftermath of a TRUST VIOLATION of this magnitude. Let's be clear, people don't typically walk up to their mate and say" Hey, I plan to go through your phone when you go to bed, anything you want to tell me?" Main reason is, trust in this relationship is already severed, and you want to preserve the element of surprise. You wouldn't believe anything they confess or deny, and you also would assume that all incriminating evidence will be deleted.. (THIS SOUNDS NUTTY RIGHT?)  For some this is a reality.

I've always gone by the notion, that if you search for something, you'll find it. If you're looking for something to be wrong, even an email from someone of the opposite sex can misinterpreted. You aren't looking for good news, you won't find any good news. (It's the law of attraction.)

The truth is.. before you go through your mate's  personal things.. do me just one favor; consider your motive first. What are you looking for? WHY???? Are you insecure for reasons that have nothing to do with this person?  What do you plan to find, and once you do find it, what are you going to do?

Here lies the kicker ladies and gentlemen. You are looking for something awful, you find it , then what? You end the relationship? You stay? Are you building a bigger case to fry them later?  Staying in a relationship where you constantly pry will cause your mate to become the latest version of 007. This sadly, is not going to help either of you. Guess what, if you're wrong, you're going to push that person away, and if you're right, chances are you really didn't need the proof in the first place. You knew that person was a dog/jezebel, and you just sat there stewing in misery. Is this the right person for you anyway? It's probably time to get out before you become a bitter untrusting crazy person.

Another thing I go by is, "What's in the dark, always comes to light." Which means, you don't have to be Joey Greico on Cheaters to find out what you need to know. It'll fall right into your lap. ALSO... you can just LEAVE?! Moral of the story, don't change your career path to CSI or SVU detective, unless you really want to do that for a living. There's no place for it in your relationship!

Thanks for patiently waiting on me friends! Next post coming soon. Please like, comment, and share.