Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Internet is not broken! The Too Pregnant to Care Series


Instead of working, like I should be doing, I decided to speak to my good people. I would first like to apologize for my hiatus. I had so many things on my mind, that I neglected the simple discipline to actually write them down. Shameful really, I'm also expecting so I probably forgot to a few times.  I think saying   (I'm Expecting); while speaking to anyone gives you a free pass for everything! You're pulled over, " Officer I'm so sorry, I'm expecting, I'm so preoccupied with bringing life into the world, that I totally missed that light!", or, "Yes I'm eating an entire HAM, I'm expecting."

Let's dig into that a bit, can I tell you how irritating it is to be pregnant sometimes? There are people that are built for it, the ones who glow like the sunshine, and they're always happily prancing around with their barbecued turkey legs. They take pictures of themselves every 3 minutes reveling in the essence of life. That's totally cool I don't knock those individuals, but I'm not that philly. No sir. I actually don't like taking ten thousand bathroom breaks, having pregnant brain, and strange women surging towards my belly. With the purpose to whisper LOUDLY towards my belly. BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE RECOGNIZED BY YOUR BABY.. sorry it's strange lol. Super excited about bringing life into the world, but if there was a stork that could just knock on the door and send me a baby; that looks like a combination of myself and my husband I would have been great with that!

SORRY, I know how much people HATE dealing with pregnant women and their feelings so let's talk about more important things that I'm too pregnant to care about! (Joking but, not really).

Last week in pop culture:
1. Kim Kardashian's NAKEDNESS
2. The guy being DELIVERT from being gay
3. BATMAN Playing Moses in Exodus
4. Solange is married again
5.The Horrible Aaliyah Movie

Okay I'd say that was enough. Let's begin

1. Kim K. West ......... flatline. How is she still famous? Well, I'll tell you, because just when you think you've lost her, she pulls something out of her.... yeah.. you get where I'm going with this? She has a very nice shape, and I know by once binge watching her reality show that she really really wanted to be a model; but wasn't tall enough so her posing naked, may make sense to her and YEEZY but.. I'm just kinda over it. Honestly it's confusing young girls, of all creeds, if celebrity "role" models don't know when they've gone too far, how will our young girls really know? THEY WONT. (We'll get back to this on another post because this is kinda too much to deal with even a week later).


2. The guy who has singlehandedly ruined the perception of Christianity, Homosexuality, tailored suits, buying off the rack, bowties, proper grammar, and speaking in tongues. You only get half a bar. HAVE A SEAT. I wasn't born at night, or last night so I don't believe you're suddenly no longer gay, I don't believe anything you have to say sir, and shame on whomever began this viral sensation. I'm tired of the heart of religion being the brunt of everyone's jokes, people are literally fighting for religious freedom in other countries, and this man is mocking struggles that people endure on a daily basis. I'm too pregnant to care for that one too.




3. So I'm watching TV, catching up on General Hospital (YES I WATCH GH) . Low and behold I see a trailer with Batman (Christian Bale) casted as Moses in the new Exodus: GODS and KINGS film. Humn.. Batman as Moses. I'm sure he's going to do a great acting job, but there aren't any middle eastern actors we can borrow, or some new comers? I understand how film companies want to "spend a lot to get a lot" but give someone else a chance. I'll just wait until the movie comes out to make further decisions on this.



4. Solange's wedding. So apparently she married a video director named Alan Ferguson who is a VAMPIRE. I say this because he's "allegedly" 51 but he looks like a hot 29? Way to pull a banger Solange!
Hopefully their marriage will be just as wonderful as her wedding photos because she seriously KILT the GAME on those bad boys. The entire wedding party wore white, they arrived to the NOLA nuptials on BIKES, Hov was looking like an ebony male with the bowtie flicking. Blue Ivy's Fro was DYNAMITE, MOMMA TINA looked like, "THE BOMB" in my martin voice. Fabulous job overall. Check it out for yourself because it's seriously a treat! BEST POP CULTURE MOMENT OF THE WEEK! Not Tasty Krispy Creme Kardarshian Cakes and HAMs. BEYONCE'S little sister. This is what creative types do for attention. Take notice.
Solange Knowles

5. The lifetime Aaliyah movie. I didn't watch it, and honestly the outrage from my social media outlets gave me the impression that watching it will take years off of my life, so.. I'm good on that. Apparently, Wendy Williams was a producer on the film and everyone is ready to rake her over the coals and I will be watching that. True it's going to give Wendy's show great ratings but you know what, I want to see how she's going to waltz out of this one. Wendy Williams has been clowning people for the longest, and people are designed for pay back. This should be interesting.

Alright guys, that's my round up! This series is going to be called the "Too Pregnant to Care!" Hope you got a kick out of it..Like Comment and Share.



Thursday, July 3, 2014

Sasha Fierce in the Bedroom (Ladies Lounge)

For those of you who are outwardly prudish or aren't comfortable with having an adult discussion about sex, I suggest you closeout  right now. It's going to going to start to feel like the red room in a minute. (NOT REALLY)  I was hesitant about writing a post like this, because I shudder at the thought to think that my christian friends, aunties, and coworkers, will get the wrong impression of who I am. However, I'm quite proud of being a sexual human being, and I'm proud of sharing some of the knowledge I have. Hopefully it'll open up dialogue enough to learn some new things from my cyber friends as well.

Have you ever wanted to spice up your relationship and just can't come up with anything that makes you comfortable? He  may have suggested something to you, and you just don't feel comfortable?  Sisterfriends, you have to channel your feminine mystique and let go of the good girl image.

Here's a suggestion, become someone else. A lot of couples use role playing to eliminate the embarrassment of trying new things sexually. This doesn't mean you have wear costumes or anything like that. but.. maybe try an ALTER EGO. Maybe when you're pleasing him, you're playing your favorite erotic r&b song to help you zone out, maybe you've watched those Angel TalksMidnight videos. (You know the grapefruit lady?) Sidebar, if you haven't seen them, I'd advise you to check her out, she's a mastermind seriously. Maybe, your partner isn't quite getting you to the goal line, TELL HIM. If you have to be someone else in your mind, then use that to be your motivation to get you in the 6 (Football reference). As people we all have a fair amount of sexual fantasies, well take some time out to bring them to the forefront of your reality.

 (NOTE: DON'T TURN IT ON FOR SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW. THIS IS CATERED TO THE SPECIAL MAN IN YOUR LIFE. NEVER PULL YOUR TRICKS OUT TOO EARLY)


Like Beyonce has Sasha Fierce when she's on stage, try your own personal version of a sexual personality. This will help you become more uninhibited. You'll be more willing to take more sexual risks, and guess what, your partner will be stunned because you'll suddenly behave like a person he doesn't know. AND HE'LL LOVE IT! By doing this, you've mentally traveled into another consciousness opening up your prowless. You're not a good girl anymore, you're like Rihanna's more mature sister, ready and willing to do whatever you want to do, to ask for what you need, and to please that special guy in your life. Remember ladies, variety in a relationship can often times curb a man's appetite for other women. Why would he step out if you're 3 different chicks? He shouldn't need anyone else. His woman is literally the woman of his dreams! lol

There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexual fantasies! I truly believe that it helps you become a more daring individual overall. Whenever you can over come a fear, no matter what it is, it makes your next obstacle that much easier to defeat. Becoming pigeonholed in the idea that women cannot be who they want to be, because they have to fit in a specific mold is insanity. Why not try the things you like, with the man you like? There are so many conflicts that involve everyday life, and at best you should be able to be free for an hour or two.

The alter ego is just to help you get outside the box. It's more so about your willingness to see another side of yourself. You don't have to be what everyone one thinks of you all the time. You never do actually. You can be whatever you want to be. It's your life, don't waste it on trying to please other people. Sexuality is your right as a woman. You earned it, through every cycle of your growth, every curve in your figure, and the strength of your own mind. So embody your inner sexiness, let her come out and play. And don't do it because he wants you to, do it because YOU WANT TO.

Remember sexual freedom is at your disposal. Enjoy your night ladies, don't forget to stretch!


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Robin Thicke's Problems!

#Robin Thicke for those of you who aren't familiar; is Justin Timberlake's more soulful, seemingly more mature doppelganger. Recently he and his wife, Paula Patton have separated and he's channeled all of his energy into trying to get her back. On every new single he's released and in every public appearance he looks like he's lost his best friend. Basically, he's looking like a swag-less pitiful shell of a person due to a bunch of bad decisions.

Not really clear on what happened exactly but given the new music he's come out with it, he's compromised the security she felt with being married to a "sex symbol". And let's be clear on something, he wasn't a sex symbol in high school when they first started their relationship. Over time, and most likely due to her help, he became a super star. Don't get me wrong , he did the work, he had the skill, but he was motivated due in part by a very strong support system. My question isn't really about what he did, it's more about how could this heartache been avoided? 

I have a theory. Relationships are like a plant. In order to keep a plant alive, you have a few responsibilities. You talk to it, give it the proper light, water it, and make sure the plant is always in a climate that promotes growth. Now here's how we apply this metaphor to real life in relationships. 

1. "Talking to it " Communication. Without communication, you really cannot go very far in a relationship. You have to talk to each other when you're happy, sad, or have a conflict. Without communication, your relationship will fail. 

2. "Give it the Proper Light and water" Now, here I mean, in order for both parties to be secure in the union both parties need some validation. Meaning if you don't tell your partner that you love them, or that they are special to you, how will they know? Guessing is not a feasible option. This is not that complicated, you can do it in however manner your mate has communicated to you, that they like to feel special (ie, a surprise text message, some flowers, a high five when they do a good job, publicly acknowledging your love), seriously anything will help. But it's very important to not stop doing this. Like the old saying is, "The same thing you did to get the girl, is the same thing you need to do to keep her." This rings true for both parties in a relationship. 

3. "Make sure the plant is always in the climate that promotes growth" This means, if you're a famous person like, Robin Thicke, you're not seen on TMZ grabbing booties, or letting little Miley twerk on you publicly for all the world to see. Now, if you're not a celebrity the same thing applies. If you're in a relationship and you're not home enough for your mate to talk to you, or you spend more time trying to be popular, you're actually not giving the relationship the environment it needs to flourish. You can end up planting a seed of doubt which in turn murders the other two steps. Depicting a playboy lifestyle as Robin Thicke did, did not help his relationship at all. The irony is, you don't see Paula Patton throwing her loves scenes with Denzel Washington in his face! She did her job, and went home. That's what you're supposed to do in a marriage. Don't entertain temptation, because in the end, it will undoubtedly get you in a "Smart phones don't cheat" Trey Songz type of issue. This is the equivalent to telling a toddler not to touch the stove, what happens when they do? They get burnt. 

Like I said before , I don't know exactly what happened with this relationship; but I do believe that somewhere along the way Paula Patton and Robin Thicke may have missed a step or two. They were married for long time so it's easy to not apply the TLC that's needed for people with really busy lives. In the end though, it's very necessary for the relationship to grow. Often times people assume that once you've married a person, or have spent a considerable length of time in a relationship; the work is done. Completely untrue, there's a reason why it's referred to as a labor of love.. There's actually work involved! If treated properly, you'll avoid crying at pianos like Robin Thicke because you took your relationship for granted. 

I truly hope they find their way back together. Or at least mend fences well enough to provide stable parenting for their adorable toddler. I'm sure this misery is going to make his music AWESOME. But I'm not the type to prey on the misery of other's for my own entertainment.

In short, don't let your love fern die! (How to loose a guy in 10 days! Best movie ever) . 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Someone Help Chris Brown!

While reading through my Facebook newsfeed, and the blogs I subscribe to, I found out that Chris Brown was released from jail a few days ago. Due to his probation violation tied to the domestic violence charge received in 2009.

I'm going to get down and dirty about this, so those of you who are tired of people loving on a domestic abuser stop reading. Warning given, let's proceed.

I don't know Chris Brown personally, but I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a fan of his music and GOD given ability to dance his socks off. So as a result of this, I am worried about him. It's something about a black man that you can see literally self destruct before your eyes that is hard to ignore. He went from, a sweet face, Pepsi selling, double mint gum chewing, dance fiend; to an angry tattoo clad adult. I have a young son, who's face is just as sweet and innocent as Chris' was; so as a mom, I'm anxiously awaiting his turn around, as if he was my own baby.

Too many occasions have sweet childhood stars turned into crazy people in the blink of an eye.




There's a long list of them, all of them were introduced to us as sweet smiley face stars who were so adorable, that we all thought we knew them. Until they changed on us. Then of course we loose faith in them as they continue to hit the panic button in life.  Then we proceed to judge them. As if none of us have ever made mistakes in our late teens and early 20's.  Let's pause and think about how we have squandered some of our own opportunities, and how we'd probably hate those blunders to be publicized every single day. Like  we are the worst people in the UNIVERSE!  We say things like,"Man, this person has all these opportunities and all this money, why are they messing it up?" THIS IS MOST LIKELY THE ONE OF THE REASONS. Maybe also because their parents raised them to be famous. Not to be complete people, manner-able people, drug free, or even happy people. They pushed them to super stardom like a lead foot on the accelerator with no breaks. What then happens? They crash. It's inevitable (Queue the Morpheus voice). So please let's all stop sitting up here, acting surprised like it hasn't happened to the majority of the child stars we've become accustomed to supporting or even ourselves for that matter.

Since Chris Brown has been released, I'd like my homegirl Iyanla Vanzant get on a plane and Fix His Life. Where is Michael Eric Dyson when you need him, T.D Jakes, or Russell Simmons? He needs help from some strong people who have witnessed the trails of life, and can appeal to his senses before it's really too late. No shade towards Chris Brown's parents but let's just be real, they've had plenty of time to get him together, and clearly now that he's an adult, with real grown man problems, there isn't really much they can do for him at this point. He's now 25 years old, and we're very aware of the vitality statistics for young black men; regardless to if he's rich or not. He's one of ours, someone should be reaching out to him before he completely goes insane. The sad news is, I'm not really sure if the people I mentioned even want to speak with him due to his often erratic behavior and how the domestic violence dispute transpired. I haven't seen any Chris Brown and Oprah interviews, but I've seen her give Lindsey Lohan an entire reality show, which will most likely only make her situation worse, and show her support as her "spiritual auntie". (And if you know me, you know I love me some Oprah, so definitely no shade there.) But what about C BREEZY? Are black men, in the midst of struggle not important as well?

I'm tired of people treating our young black men like they are court jesters out here for every one's amusement. As special as his talent is, his soul is just as important, and if he doesn't have a supportive team around him, he will fail. And through his failure, he wrongfully influence the new generation of kids with the thought that, as long as you have money you can get out of anything. But we all know better. So today, while you're working, make yourself a Chris Brown playlist, and rock out! After all, his music can make you happy, even if he isn't.


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Epitome of Grace: Rest in Peace Maya Angelou


Angelou and Malcolm X became friends during his visit to Ghana in May 1964.

Remembering Literary Royalty 
My first blog post if you can recall mentioned my need to emulate the poise of my idols who impacted my childhood. Maya, who served as more of a friend, and a mentor, to many women, over her 40 plus year literary tenure is so special, that her name immediately provides me peace.

There are many things that can be said about her, and like, many influential people the news of her passing has brought a wave of bittersweet remembrance. We are all selfish of our own personal memories of her. But her work, still lives on, but like the timeless angel she is, we all expected her to live , in the present form forever. At 86 years of age, she was called to her truest form today. She will be surely be missed by those who have been touched by her words, be it written or oratory.

When I first met Maya, I was an inquisitive young girl who noticed, that my mother had several books written by her, all with yellow pages. So by then they were obviously very old. I asked my mother who she was, and she was delighted in my interest and encouraged me to read them. So I did, every book in my mother's library written by a women, who had loved, and struggled much like most of the women I knew. She though had the courage to write her story, to impact, and somewhat heal those who were in the midst of her turmoils and triumphs.

I thank her for the music of her mind, and am humbled to have been directed in the spirit that she breed. She is truly one of my favorite authors, and I will miss her as if she was a family member. We should all celebrate her memory today and forever more.

I leave you with one of my favorite passages!

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/on-the-pulse-of-morning/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/28/maya-angelou-poems_n_5403816.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Monday, May 26, 2014

The No Kissing Rule: Does this really work?


A few days ago, I had a conversation with a friend who was giving me an update on a budding relationship. She's a strong independent woman who has decided to have a physical relationship with a man, but to maintain a publicly platonic relationship (sex with no strings). She says that she doesn't want to get any emotional attachments with the man so she's been having problem with him kissing her in the mouth. (The first thought I had of this was Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) . Anyhow, she says that kissing is far too intimate and would rather not be that close to him. 

The wheels started to turn in my head and I thought, humn, I should do some research on this. And so I did, I polled about 15 people for a mini research project( only the folks that know my questions can sometimes, get sexual and they wouldn't cringe by participating). So guess what I asked them? 

1. Do you believe kissing is more intimate than sex? 
2. Can you have sex with someone for the first time, without kissing them? 
3. When did you adapt this rule ? 

So... out of the 15 people that I polled the majority them agree with my dear friend, in the fact that kissing is more intimate. There were a few who could not do one without the other, and some of them who just said, if the partner needs it, then, they'll do it , but they can take it or leave it. 

I really had to put myself outside of my "married brain " and dig a bit deeper to find my own theory. I grew up around a lot of males, and when they didn't kiss a girl, she was "apart of the team" meaning she would  be discarded, and typically only be used for the night. Personally, I paid attention to these conversations, so anyone who told me that they "didn't do kissing" had those less than pure intentions, so guess what, they didn't get any!  

Then I did some more research and science does agree. Kissing is a far more intimate act than certain sexual positions. Obviously, incorporating certain positions with kissing makes the act far more passionate and intimate. However, if I don't want to kiss you, you certainly can't have me! And that's a true testament to how I feel about myself and what I'm worth. My breath is good, I'm a good kisser, my lips aren't chapped. Kiss me. Also, it was rare while I was dating that I even wanted a short term affair, so that's how I can say this..

Now the initial question of this post is, does the no kissing rule really work?  If you're just trying to have a one night stand, and you won't be spending anymore fun nights with this person then yes. (You can actually have several of these moments, just don't kiss your partner). It can work, because you have found away to make the "love below " area, a vessel of satisfaction and nothing more. So if you would like to continue to use sex as merely as an urge to be scratched, and nothing personal, keep at it. I just ask that all of you, stay protected, because you don't want to slip up and have an 18 year contract with a person you NEVER liked; Or WORSE (THE PACKAGE IS REAL). BE CAUTIOUS THOUGH!!!

Truthfully, I'm still apart of the old school who believe that the majority of women, have the inept ability to confuse a sexual relationship with a real one. But ladies, if he's not holding your hand, introducing you to his friends, calling you and asking you about your day, and really listening to you: Kissing or not, you're not a potential mate, you're just on the "team". And Men.... if a woman doesn't do the same, guess what? You are indeed apart of the team as well. No need to take any time to "define the relationship" or wonder if she'll sweat you, because if she hasn't already.. guess what? She won't. 

Stay tuned, this is an interesting subject so I wrote a short story about it.. I'll post it in the next few days. 

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Dating and Relationship Secrets Every Woman Should Know




Hi Ladies,

This message is specifically tailored for you. There are times when we're new to a relationship that we have a tendency to "over share". I'm sure everyone can relate to acting irrationally at times when they wished they shouldn't. Here's a few things that I  believe should not be brought up and/or exhibited, early while dating, midway through a relationship, or even in your marriage.

1. Do not tell your current love interest illicit details about your last relationships.
This includes, who your best partner was, how much more money your ex has over your current lover, what you LOVED about him, and other things that you wouldn't want to know about his exes. This is important because it will make you look as though, you're still hung up on the past and  you'll look like blabber mouth who does in fact kiss and tell. Besides, do you think he really wants to know about these things? Not to mention, if you give away all of your secrets it'll leave plenty of room for judgement. Even if he asks you; keep a cool head, and don't go into too much detail. Poise is key.

Addendum, please don't tell your friends how great of a lover your new man/significant other is. Everyone isn't loyal, your relationship can be compromised by an associate who wants what you want!

2. Don't tell a man your friend's business.
For example, you remember that spring break trip, that included tequila shots and Mardi Gras beads, and how many the two of you came home with. SSSHHHHH. Keep that one to yourself, that includes; Vegas Trips, drunken bar fights, and etc. The trick is to make sure that he sees you for the woman that you currently are, and not the "harlot in training" that you used to be. Besides, what your friends did, is their business and you certainly don't want him thinking that you guys are just a team full of nasty girls. That's cool for a one night solicitation but not for a committed relationship. So practice early and just don't ever bring it up.

3. Do not ever, tell your man, that you're better than him, smarter than him, or rub in the fact you make more money than him. Please. Just don't do it.. Unless you want to officially end this courtship, relationship or marriage. It's important to maintain some humility. No one wants to be with a woman who throws their accomplishments back into his face. (this includes during an argument, he wont forget it, and you'll loose his respect) .

4. Let him hang out with his friends, don't call him 50-11 times while he's out. There are a few reasons why:
A. His friends are going to make fun of him (Man, your girl barely let you off the leash tonight blah blah blah)
B. You look needy
C. It's annoying
D. It'll appear that you don't trust him
E. It's tacky, there I said it. Sad but true.

5. Respect the relationship he has with his mother.
Ladies, you want a man that cares for their mother. That just goes to show you how he'll treat you. It's indeed a good thing. It's natural to be jealous of their bond, but at the end of it all, she's his mother. She gave birth to him. You don't have to become girlfriends, but respect is definitely needed. Besides you wouldn't like him in the first place if he wasn't raised right.

6. Don't use sex as a weapon.
I need to be clear in my explanation on this one: If you're upset with your man, work the issue out. Don't withhold sex as if you're worth just that. You're worth more than that, and if the issue is really more serious, is sex the only thing you should be locking down?

Here's some helpful tips to maintain that idealistic perfect wife/girlfriend/potential wifey status we all secretly want. Please like, comment and share! I'd love to hear your thoughts! .

Friday, May 2, 2014

The Wife-Sister Wife Series Conclusion

A lonely wife sits at her cubicle at work, thinking about how strange her husband has been behaving recently. He has come home angry, he falls asleep without kissing her good night, he's been working extremely late hours.. all the signs that her life experience has told her were signs of cheating. He wouldn't she thought, "After all we've been through; as much as I put out? " Well, maybe not as much as I used to, this kid keeps me extremely busy, and so does my new job, but he knows I'm dead tired, why wouldn't he understand that?" She sits there, tapping her fingers in heavy thought, wondering if her thoughts are even possible. "This man is a great provider, he is a fantastic father, and before these last couple of weeks, he's been a great husband.. But something just isn't right" . If he was cheating, what would she do, she thought. He is a man, a successful good looking one at that. And those types of men are hard to come by. She doesn't want to start over. "So maybe, he's just tired from work, you know because he's putting in so much time and all.", she thinks.  So.. as while sitting there in heavy thought, something tells her to check their joint account bank statements.. She logs onto the site... AMC theaters 15.00, Ruth Kris 120.59, Sprint 129.00, and the list goes on. This is strange, she thinks "We haven't attended a movie in months, let alone a steakhouse! " She starts to seep with anger. Then, she second guesses her thoughts, thinking making he's entertaining business partners and he finally got the business line on his phone that he's always wanted. Until she finds, "Embassy Suites, $349.50".

Now.. it doesn't take a prominent prosecutor to close this case, her husband is renting hotel suites, going on nice dinners, and paying cell phone bills. For all of you reading this, I advise that if you're in this type of situation, the next step, is to speak to your husband, not what she's about to do...

Our composite wife decides to dig into their shared plan phone records, she noticed a phone number from her husband's line that he's called, over and over, DAILY. She receives a call from her husband. She picks up.

Him: Hi Babe, how are you?
With discontent in her voice, oh I'm fine, just working, what about you?
Him: Well not bad, just wanted to let you know that the boss is making me work late again, on a Friday no less, so I'll be home late, so please don't wait up.
She says, with a deep sigh, well babe are you sure you can't get out of it, I really wanted to talk, and spend some time with you.
Him: I know babe, it can't be helped, I'll be home as soon as I can.

Now , this is starting to play out like an episode of cheaters! Where is joey grieco when you need him? She hangs up, angry as ever.. Takes a break from her desk, (notice she hasn't been working much today). and she writes down that number.

She goes out to smoke, in heavy thought now counting all the times he's called with the same "I'm working line". Condemning herself for believing that he was actually working. She is now at a level ten. So she dials that number. Our composite lover (from the last story picks up).

Composite Lover: Hello,
Composite wife: Hi. Who is this?
Composite Lover: This is "Pick a name guys , your decision"
Composite Wife: Why is my husband calling you at 3AM, are you sleeping with him?
Composite Lover: Well...
Composite Wife: Before you say anything else, you need to know he's my man, we've been together X amount of years and I'd appreciate if you'd leave my husband alone! Don't make me blah blah blah bleep bleep bleep. (You get the point. ) CLICK


I don't think we need to go any further, you all get the point. The wife made the wrong decision. She called and threatened our composite lover when really the person who deserved the confronting is none other than her husband. We have all been witness or been in earshot of stories like this, so we've all seen this happen before. There can be a way to reconcile in a marriage that has been ushered into this type of peril. But not until both parties are honest and upfront. And sadly, the person who gets hurt is the mistress.

I call this series the sister wife series because in so many instances, the battle continues and the wife and lover begin to share the man. They both keep him on, they're both equally as angry, they're  both losing, and no one takes the time to really consider that the husband is the core issue. He's been dishonest, he's not appreciating the value of the women in his life, and they are allowing him to do so.

I was chatting about this type of issue with one of my friends, and we coined the idea that, if they're just going to share this man, why don't they pool their resources and just own property together. You all can share him publicly, no one will be in the dark, you can both spend his money and share his time. The epitome of a poly amorous relationship. But in reality.. most women are too prideful and competitive for this to work. Not to mention it's ridiculous. No one should have to share their husband with anyone but his children!

I had fun with these posts but unfortunately it's too emotionally exhausting for me to continue this series! It makes me sad! I challenge all the people gracious enough to read this post to take a stand for yourself, and not let a man use you for his personal gain. Don't allow yourself to be devalued for the sake of a small fraction of happiness. Shine your light, don't let it be dimmed by a weak man! There are plenty of good ones out there ladies. Just start fishing!


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Forbidden Love : Part 2 of the Sister-wife Series

You're eyes meet, his smile melts your heart. Every touch is like an electric shock to your body, sending impulses to your body that have never been awakened or haven't been for some time. You find yourself thinking about him before you go to bed, when you're getting your coffee for work, when you turn on the radio, you're in love. The relationship with this beautiful captivating man has you caught up in the rapture. It escalated quickly, that first encounter has now turned into weeks. He's educated, he's refined, he's perfect for you, except for one thing. He's Married! (And not to you). At wind of this news, where ever you are, you flee the scene like the culprit of a hit and run.

What's a girl to do? How do you undo the rapture? "He tells you that he doesn't love her anymore, he never loved her. He's never felt this way for anyone else before. Your connection is spiritual." You're a good girl, you've never done anything dishonest in your life. You know what game feels like, and you feel his love like an Adele song. "Never thought I'd find, someone like you...." but you think, "No.. that's the wrong Adele song, that one doesn't have a happy ending". Maybe Whitney Houston, "He feels me up, he gives me love, more love than I ever need." Then another .. :"Yes, I'm saving all my love, saving all my lo-, Wait, you know that's definitely a song about a mistress!"

You are now in a bubble. A scary bubble in which, your real life, and life of your dreams are colliding into an uncontrollable reality. Right as your turn the music off in your car, the phone rings. You can't deny  how excited you are to hear his name come up in your Bluetooth system, but you ignore the call. "Good girl,"  you tell yourself. You can't do this, what about his wife, what about me?" He leaves a message. You resist the urge to drive onto the next lane and you don't answer the phone.

You turn the car radio back on because the volume of your thoughts is maddening. " As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay" . At this point you really think that GOD Himself is playing a cruel joke on you. Like those times when you go to church and the pastor's message is perfectly tailored for you. One of those jokes. Back to silence. You hear his voice in your ear, " I want you, I need you." Finally you're home, and you check that message. "Hey babe, it's me, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of  you. I'll speak to you soon. I Love you. " Your heart flutters and then your blood pressure rises. Now you're upset, you think, "How does he love me, how can he not love her? Why would I even fool with this man, I'm better than this.

Guess what girl, you have three choices. 1. Delete his number from your phone, never speak of him, suppress all thoughts of him out of your memory. Factory reset this man from you life and throw away the weeks you've spent together. The long lunches, the staring in his eyes. All of it. 2. Call his wife, but she probably won't believe you. 3. Throw caution to the wind, and find love in a hopeless place.

If I had to guess, I'd assume some of you are familiar with this feeling? So, I ask what did you do? For efforts of this story here's what option our composite lover did. She chose option 3. Finding love in a hopeless place. Since she knows his secret now, he tells her everything, how much his wife annoys him, how she doesn't support his dreams, how she doesn't get him! How psychically she's let herself go. You almost feel sorry for her! She seems terrible. Our composite friend asks very little questions and after each encounter she feels torn, both in love, and used at the same time. She's now partially accepted that her fairy tale isn't going to happen anytime soon, and she wishes that one day he will just wake up and see things differently and leave the wicked witch because our friend here is clearly a better lover, a better friend, a confidant, more than home girl could ever be.

Then .. her phone rings... It's his wife!

=======================================================================
Before this gets ugly, let's stop and talk about this. Now that every one's glued in. We've all figured out that by now, our composite sister should have chosen option 1. Leave the relationship. Any person with self respect and self worth knows that someone perfectly designed for them will come along. Regardless to how slim the chances seem in the dating world . Someone else's husband is just that. Someone else's husband. If it wasn't you, it could have been someone else. Everyone deserves the right to feel special, but love shouldn't make you feel dirty unless it's the good kind of dirty :). I would advise any sisters out there who are in a 3 person relationship, to sever ties as soon as possible.

You'll soon see why I've labeled this series the sister-wives series.

Stay tuned for the next installment folks!

Comments and feedback is needed :)







From Sister-wives to Side Pieces; Your fault or his?

This subject has come up countless times recently, there is an epidemic or a highlighted occurrence that has been sweeping the nation as of recently. The “side chick”, “the other woman”, and “the dip off”; this woman is known by many names and caused peril and frustration to the masses. As Ecclesiastes 1:9 has always said;

 

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

 

This clearly states that anything that is believed to be a new trend is in fact a repeat of what has already been. There’s always been another woman, but what does seem to be new is the glorification of infidelity. There are reality shows, scripted dramas, and novels that have depicted images of intelligent, beautiful women, of all races as the other woman. Women are sitting on their couches with popcorn glued to the television excited to view the next installment of these “will they won’t they” relationships with hopes that the “side chick” will win.

 

Here’s the thing, the side chick will never win, you should feel sorry for the woman who believes that the lies a man tell her and the promise of leaving his wife will ever happen. #Message to the side chick: Regardless to how wonderful you are, these men love you enough to keep you around, but not enough to sacrifice the demise of their families for you. It’s just the truth. You deserve better than being the one he calls in the middle of the night, the one he only brings around his “trustworthy friends”, the one he tells everything too, but can’t admit you exist. You deserve better than the angry phone calls and altercations from his woman telling you to back off; and the hurt that you feel for being lied to. There is no love here, regardless to what he tells you. Now the one glimmer of hope is that he will leave her for you, then what? Like the old timers say:

 

               The same way you got him, is the same way you’ll lose him. “

 

You’ll be waiting on the inevitable so much that you won’t even have time to enjoy the relationship. You’ll be waiting for the pin drop, which guess what, will make him feel like you don’t trust him, and guess what he’ll do? CHEAT ON YOU!

 

The cowardice that men have when it comes to being bold enough to tell their wives their unhappy is astounding. Not only that, there are times when the married woman is more than knowledgeable of her spouse's infidelity and displays the same cowardice when it comes to leaving their men to pursue their own happiness. You’ll often hear sounds bites like, “We have been through so much, “, “I haven’t been as attentive as I should have been”, or, my personal favorite, “He’s just being a man!” This is how women convince themselves that this bout of infidelity is nothing but a figurative cold sore; and given time, it will just go away. He’ll grow out of straddling the fence and he’ll get his act together. So for the wife or girlfriend, everyone is due to make a few mistakes in life, but, in my opinion, developing an alternative relationship with a woman and coming to bed and kissing you at night is not an accident. It’s a blatant act of betrayal. He lied to you, he cheated, and in most cases he probably put you in physical danger (Unprotected sex is dangerous, you can contact STDs that are deadly and irrevocable)! This person that promised to commit you has betrayed VOWs several at once. And let me mention this ladies, if you did it to him, even on a small scale, be clear, he would LEAVE YOU.

 

Unfortunately, what usually happens is, instead of the women being angry with the man, they confront the “side chick” sure she’s wrong if she knows about you, but if she doesn't it’s not her fault. #Message to the girlfriend or Spouse: Regardless to if she knows about you, it’s still not her fault, he had to cheat on you. She didn't marry you, or commit to you. HE DID. This is a sisterhood issue; women are so busy competing with each other that they’re not paying attention to how this less than superior man is manipulating the both of you. And guess what, neither of you deserve it! Regardless to what type of past you've had, what mistakes you've made in prior relationships, wrong is wrong. There is a statute of limitations on personal guilt, don’t stand for this. Make a stand for your daughters, and nieces, and little sisters, don’t continue a cycle of demeaning yourselves by sitting sideline while your standards are being compromised.

 


So the question really isn't should you stay in a relationship where infidelity has taken place, the question is, more are you compromising your standards and allowing it to continue? Are you worth more than being the side chick? Is he the only man on earth? Did your mother teach you better than this? Do you deserve more than you’re getting? It’s time to self-notify and ask yourself this question, “When Cinderella rode off with Prince Charming, did the story read, they lived “Happily ever after” or, “Happily until he fell in love with her hand maiden-but Cinderella was okay, because she knows he saved her from her evil step mother so once and a while if he’s with her, it’s okay?” Get a grip people. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Five Reasons We Watch Reality TV






 Yes Ladies and Gents ,

We've all been witness to a very enjoyable last few days  as a result of a recent "sex tape" that has conveniently leaked just before the start of the new season of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. There's no need for me to even give you a synapses;  if you're on social media, which I'm sure you are, you've seen Meme's and Pictures that allow you to be highly informed on what's going on..

So every year I promise myself, I will no longer entertain this foolishness, I am educated, I am a mother, I'm ABOVE THIS.. Truth is.. No I'm not.. Reality TV has continued to be a guilty pleasure in my life and in the lives of  many others. I mean seriously there are all kinds of shows. Home makeover shows, talent reality TV, "partially scripted reality shows, cooking shows, or,  get stuck on an island and walk around naked for weeks. I could keep going but you get the point. They are everywhere. And regardless to who you are, you'll find yourself watching one.

And here's why I believe that is.

1. They are just entertaining, they make you laugh, they confuse you, you cry , whatever.. You're entertained nonetheless.

2. They are an invaluable escape from everyday life.

3. It's the safest way for a person to be judgmental and not feel bad about it.. You can watch these shows and say "Oh this person is so dumb!", and there are thousands of people who will agree with you!" Because these people choose to put their lives on television therefore allowing themselves to be subjected to this scrutiny.

4. They literally SHUT YOUR BRAIN OFF. You want an escape, go watch RHOATL or LHHATL or The Bachelor, anything with people who pretend to be sophisticated and average one fight, or something else undignified approximately every 18 minutes.


5. It makes for wonderful water cooler talk at work the next day. You can sit with your coworkers and refer to your notes from the night before.

So.. Although the reality TV wave doesn't solve ANY of your problems.. at least it distracts you from them for a little while.

Enjoy your reality TV if you are so inclined. I won't judge.. Unless you decide to broadcast it on a TV show!

Stay tuned to my posts. I'm hoping that one day I'll embrace my social consciousness and boycott this type of TV, but I just haven't gotten there yet.






Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Sensitivity to the N' Word




A couple of weeks ago there was much hype concerning the Looking A#$ Nig#A Song by Nicki Minaj. From what I can tell the song is basically about how disgusted she is about under achieving men, and it was a mini anthem or wake up call for those bumbs ..

 A lot of people were upset by the song title and her frequent usage of the N Bomb. Some men were effected by the track because she highlighted a bunch of bad traits concerning men in the present day. Here's what I know about how African Americans and Latinos utilize this word. This word as we know plagued the  majority Africans and African Americans throughout our stay in the U.S.( Well before the union actually!) African Americans have been documented in saying that the word is used  as a term of endearment. They have also been quoted as saying that it's often used as a direct reflection of under achieving, tacky , common people usually for any race..

The word is disgusting and how people use it is disgusting. But let's be clear it has ALWAYS been that way. The likelihood of everyone having a moral awakening to cease using the word in all genre's and formats.. is LESS THAN LIKELY.

So going back to the song.. Should African Americans be offended about the lyrics? Has Nicki Minaj set them (including myself)  back a few years. In my opinion, the answer is NO.

The truth is, she wasn't the first person to use the word, she isn't even the first person to put the word front and center on a track list. Have we all forgotten that NAS named his album N#$#A a few years ago? There was a similar amount of out rage and he eventually changed the name of the album to the N word.

I just find it ironic that whenever she says something that's "frowned upon" she gets this extreme backlash . I'm going to call it how I see it.. She gets picked on because she works in an male dominated industry where men get to call women B's and Hoes all day every day. These artist get to disrespect women in all formats really; and they get to use the N bomb as much as they want, and no one winces.  Misogynistic lyrics have been the corner stone for hip hop music since it's inception and yet when a woman turns the focus onto men.. then guess what it's HORRIBLE.

Knowing that it is an entertainers job to entertain and push the envelop and start a conversation based on their music. Then rest at ease because she is doing her job!

I took the liberty of attaching the lyrics of the song below. Give it a read and tell me what you think!

http://www.metrolyrics.com/lookin-ass-nigga-lyrics-nicki-minaj.html



Thursday, April 3, 2014

Keeping it real does go wrong!

So Sorry friends,

I've been extremely busy digging through life's messes and spent a lot of time just jotting ideas but not putting the effort in to streamline any of them. There is something very pressing that I would like to share with my good people. There is importance in self worth and how you are perceived by other people. Please don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a no nonsense person that isn't afraid to say what they feel.. however with everything in life there are limits! A little goes a long way.. Some of us have the foot to mouth disease and I have great news. There is a cure.. BE QUIET!

Here's a few scenarios when you should exercise the ability to be silent.

1. A friend is going through something extremely trying in their life, and you noticed that they have been stress eating. The stress eating has translated into gaining weight and the outfit that they're wearing isn't very flattering. SHUT UP.. please don't ask them if they've put on weight.. Do not do that! Even if they mentioned that they have put on weight, you can encourage them, and offer to go to the gym with them. So you BOTH can live a healthier lifestyle.

2. Your boss is being a meanie, and you really want to tell them where to go. Before giving them the real please consider the following :
A. Do you have another job if you quit this one?
B. Do you have a forget it fund, in a situation in which  you've decided to leave a job when you don't have another one?
C. Are you being overly sensitive today?
D. Have you contacted the appropriate parties in assisting you with this difficult person (ie, HR , Another manager? )

3. Your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend's whining has rose to an all time high. Please.. don't ignore them or tell them to shut up! There could really be something wrong.. they could really need help. You never know what is dragging down their mood. Just ride the wave until it passes, or offer to take them out to one of their favorite places for a pick me up. After all you are their significant other, the person both of you have chosen to ride into the sunset with, so.. take that foul mood with a grain of salt and keep it moving.

Moral of the story, decorum goes a long way. And when someone you care about is in a foul mood or you're working with someone you don't like learn how to be smart

.


Monday, March 31, 2014

Why the Cosby Show gave me and anxiety attack! TV Sitcoms are not real but a great benchmark to how to live your life.

Saturday night I caught a Cosby show marathon. I watched and watched and fell in love with the show all over again. I watched an episode in which Claire was stressed over her work schedule and her 4 children that were home; general blunders of everyday life. Well Cliff asked her if it was the stress of work, or the stress and home and in both cases she answered , No. But she was still super stressed. So this wonderful man decided to help her by setting up a babysitter and taking her out for a romantic hotel stay, renting a limo and taking her to a lovely dinner. Everyone let's stop right there and dissect what I just said.

1. The hard working lawyer wife who has five children is stressed about both her life, and her work. She clearly has no work life balance and yet remains to look flawless.

2. Her doctor husband takes time out of his busy schedule to speak with her every morning, help her with said children.

3. Her doctor husband, who's witty and compassionate says, I'll take you on a weekend getaway, stabilize a sitter for all of our children, and rent a limo so neither of us will have to worry about NYC traffic.

Okay. Not to say that none of these things are possible  but the fact that the problem and solution were found so quickly, (it's a 30 minute show) was just astounding! And for a moment I really took myself inside the show as if they were real people. Then I quickly applied this to real life. This is what caused the attack! I say now after the anxiety attack has ended; that obviously this is a fictional show with fictional characters. So I know very well that real life is not so simple.

It is more than possible to attain all the things that the Cosby's have but the reality of it is that your hair will be out of place, you will be very tired, and couples typically only average 2 children in this day and age. The economy is not doing as well and employers require a lot more of your time now! A lot of times, one person is doing enough work for three people, so the rate that your brain works, the amount of sleep that you receive, and the dynamic of a relationship is nearly impossible to replicate to a late 80's/early 90's sitcom. So.. The next time you watch a rerun of this show, step back and take a deep breathe and realize that it's just TV, your life is a MESS but that's NORMAL.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The magnetic attraction of bad decisions: The relationship edition.

Today, while my music was on shuffle I came across one of my favorite John Legend songs, "Again". I love John Legend , because his voice is like velvet,  and often times if I can't presently relate to his lyrics, I can relate to him based on my past experiences.

So the lyrics of the song are fairly simple, he speaks about how he met this woman, and they both confirmed they were wrong for each other, they fought, they loved, they broke up, and continued to repeat the process. Sound familiar?

We've all been there. What makes people press the reset button on relationships? Could be anything really, their smile, their ability to help you with your problems, they're.. physical attributes. There could be a number of reasons. But there is some sort of force that attracts you to a person that often is difficult to extinguish.  But despite of it all, those wonderful attributes that they have, and the way they make you feel. All that fun and passion comes with a price. Often times as happy as that person can make you, they could make you feel equally as low.

So for those of you who are experiencing these woes I have a remedy for you!

1. For everything in life, you can always develop a list of pros and cons to help you "evolve from chaos" . Is this friendship/relationship good for you? When you establish your personal marker for the person you want to be, and the person you presently are, is this person hindering you from reaching this potential? Are they holding you back, or distracting you from your focus? Are you compromising your morality/religious beliefs?  If the answer is yes.. then.. it would be best for you to extinguish all forms of communication immediately.

2. Is this relationship merely physical? If that's not what you want.. move on! If all you really want is a physical relationship, then.. hey ENJOY IT! Stay safe on that one!

3. Are you holding onto this relationship because you believe that the "love market" and/or "friendship market" is slim pickings; and you two have this expansive history over x amount of years? There are a lot of things that in history, needed to be changed,( ie, women's right to choose, ending slavery, women's right to vote, APARTHEID). All those things changed, and they worked out for the better right? Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from achieving your ideal, it's okay to be alone, and it's certainly okay to have some freedom!

4. You're not ready. Well in that case, I always say, "When you're ready to leave something, you'll know." So if this is the case, stay put. Let time deliver the message and the answer that you need.

Just my thoughts of the day folks. Enjoy your afternoon!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Reasons Why Men/Women Cheat...





So.. Watching a reality show one day or a preview of one. There seem to be so many. There is a common theme in the drama of the shows. Infidelity in relationships. So .. I began to ponder. Hey, why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? So here's how we're going to dig into this issue today. Ladies, Men, not putting this out here so you can start checking your significant other's phone or itemizing a check list to destroy them. It's just an open forum, we're just going to talk it out. Let's begin.

First let's define what a RELATIONSHIP really is. A loose translation to a definition I read,  was like, "a sexual, or romantic friendship between 2 people".

Note that the definition states that a relationship is comprised of two people, not six, not one main and a few dip offs. TWO PEOPLE. Now that we've gotten that out the way.. Let's continue

The reasons I believe women cheat:
1. They are not receiving a consistent amount of attention in their relationship
2. They are GREEDY
3. They are angry about some relationship conflict and this is the "revenge"
4. Too scared to end the relationship, for some sort of security reason, (ie, you have a kid together, you've got history, he pays all the bills, you're still not over your ex, you're lazy..)

Women as we know are unfaithful just as much as men, but I've found that they are more clever in masking the infidelity. They don't get caught as much, because men typically don't notice because they often never deviate from their normal routines. Woman get lonely, women crave attention, they need most of the things that men need. We enjoy good sex, all these things between sexes parallel between each other. The difference is, women require all these things ALL THE TIME with CONSISTENCY. Buy me things, treat me well, give me good sex, don't cheat on me, provide for me, make me feel safe, shower me with quality time and affection. NON STOP. And.. ironically, men know this.. just from time to time, men start to loose the energy to maintain a healthy relationship, to constantly feed the egos of women and provide the care, communication and passion that we warrant. Bad news fellas, there's always a guy that's more than willing to promise these things to your girlfriend or wife. ALWAYS. She has a friend or co worker that gets all these things from her man then she starts to look at you like.. humn.. you're not cutting it! There are guys that are willing to do these things for me that you clearly wont.

Ladies STOP.

If this is your life, I have a few comments to throw in. If your man isn't doing the things he used to do in your relationship and you're experiencing a deficit; consider a few things. Have you talked to him about it? Is he going through something outside of your relationship that is distracting him (I.e, employment issues, family problems, stress, weight gain)? If he is..I believe you should probably put that freak'em dress back in the closet and consider what's going on with your man. Are you falling off, did you stop putting out? Are you giving him the attention that he needs? After all, you do care about him right? Let me get this straight though.. don't talk his head off, or round off a bunch of demands. Because just as often as there is a man that can give these things to you, there is about 16 women out there ready and willing to do the things YOU won't do for you man, to him with less drama. Speak in love..Be aware...

Back to our chat..

The reason why men cheat

1. The women don't put out enough, your sex game is terrible
2. They are GREEDY (This one.. my favorite, he once was not used to not getting female attention, all of a sudden he's like a dynamo with the ladies, trim coming at him so much he can't contain himself)
3. You stopped being the person he fell in love with, you walk around with the bonnet on. Only get pretty on your way to work, however you were when he fell for you, you're not this chick anymore, you're a naggy demanding , boring, lazy in the sack, phone checking psycho, who only seems to care about how he used to treat you, and you measure your relationship on your friend's relationships.

Can I stop right there for a second? It really pained me to write that by the way.. Ladies Give me a break.

4. YOU CHEATED ON HIM AND GOT CAUGHT (They always get you back!)
5. You guys have a family together, and he doesn't want to hurt his kids or you for that matter for breaking off the marriage/relationship. (And the woman knows he's unhappy and uses these kids as a bargaining chip)
6. He has mommy/daddy issues. (she wasn't so good to him, she didn't behave well, she didn't provide a stable environment of love. The dad was a cheater, he wasn't a good example etc. )

Bottom line on top. Communication is key in any person to person relationship. You must speak to your significant other, you love them, it's worth the effort. Please, if you decide to run around with someone else protect yourself. As much as sexuality is at the forefront of our culture nowadays, it's important to know that sex can kill you now! Also, please, please, please, if you have been cheated on before, don't carry that damage with you into the next relationship. Allow yourself the time to be heartbroken and move on giving love a clean slate! If the person you're with isn't the right person for you, please don't waste their time and your own running around with someone else.

That was TOUGH. Comments please! I'm no relationship therapist so your opinions are always welcome!






Monday, January 6, 2014

Jealousy is natural, hating is not!



Have you ever had big news to share with friends or family and they totally didn't share in your orgasm of happiness?

I'm sure we've all been there at some point in life. Sometimes it's actually you that's providing the "Voice of reason", "Giving the real". I don't know about you, but I'm just not built that way. I feel as though if something GREAT is happening in someone's life, and I've been a witness to it; I'm happy as if it were me! I mean why not? Energy can be transferred so I figure if it's close enough for me to hear about it, then it's close enough for it to get to me!

I think I see the most of this type of HATER behavior on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, EVEN LINKED IN. You hear someone saying, " Ewe, so and so got a new job. Are they even qualified?". Who gives a hoot?! You should be trying to get those connections to see if there's room at that company for you? Or perhaps perk up your own resume.

So people please don't block your own good fortune by throwing shade on others. Stand under that limelight like it was your goodness! Don't waste time being stuck in your feelings because someone's windfall came before yours. Spread love, continue to encourage, and wait for your good fortune to pour right in.



Thursday, January 2, 2014

What does being an adult actually mean?

Some people say as women, when you reach the age of 18 you are an adult. I looked up adulthood, and ran upon this very poetic definition. " Adulthood- mature and sensible, not childish" . So I took another second to think further.. have I reached adulthood? Am I sensible? I'd like to think that I am but you know.. that can be open for speculation!

Growing up, I would try to find examples of strong, dignified poised women to map my maturity after, and for the most part, until I was about 20, I did my best to be just like all of those examples. Pulling my resources together and creating a super adult, a composite character of my most famed examples! A woman that holds her liquor, smart, speaks with purpose, spiritually connected, dresses to kill, and smokes a mean pack of cigarettes. (Now of course, that wasn't the part I was supposed to extract but go figure).

Something like these chicks: 


But in my early twenties I was more like.. (Get ready)


This was more fun! All that fun propelled me to be a mom at around 23! Quick slow down lol..

Now.. back on track.. I'm more of a cross between that ciara pic, and something like..



This is a happy medium for me, I work hard, I play hard on occasion and I can still fix a problem like no body's business. I say all this to say, that for today, being an adult doesn't mean that you're boring, it just means, you know that when you go to the store, your husband forgot to tell you that he needed socks, so you buy them. You know your son needs Doritos for a field trip that's going to happen in two weeks, and you also know that if you're going to go to the club.. and you have availability to take a nap, you should TOTALLY DO IT. And let me tell you one thing, taking naps is not something that I would not have done back in the day, I could probably stay awake for 24 hrs at a time, but now.. you give me a pillow and 45 minutes, I can take over the universe!

What do you guys think about my first official blog post? Let's get some dialogue going.. What does adulthood mean to you?