For those of you who are outwardly prudish or aren't comfortable with having an adult discussion about sex, I suggest you closeout right now. It's going to going to start to feel like the red room in a minute. (NOT REALLY) I was hesitant about writing a post like this, because I shudder at the thought to think that my christian friends, aunties, and coworkers, will get the wrong impression of who I am. However, I'm quite proud of being a sexual human being, and I'm proud of sharing some of the knowledge I have. Hopefully it'll open up dialogue enough to learn some new things from my cyber friends as well.
Have you ever wanted to spice up your relationship and just can't come up with anything that makes you comfortable? He may have suggested something to you, and you just don't feel comfortable? Sisterfriends, you have to channel your feminine mystique and let go of the good girl image.
Here's a suggestion, become someone else. A lot of couples use role playing to eliminate the embarrassment of trying new things sexually. This doesn't mean you have wear costumes or anything like that. but.. maybe try an ALTER EGO. Maybe when you're pleasing him, you're playing your favorite erotic r&b song to help you zone out, maybe you've watched those Angel TalksMidnight videos. (You know the grapefruit lady?) Sidebar, if you haven't seen them, I'd advise you to check her out, she's a mastermind seriously. Maybe, your partner isn't quite getting you to the goal line, TELL HIM. If you have to be someone else in your mind, then use that to be your motivation to get you in the 6 (Football reference). As people we all have a fair amount of sexual fantasies, well take some time out to bring them to the forefront of your reality.
(NOTE: DON'T TURN IT ON FOR SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW. THIS IS CATERED TO THE SPECIAL MAN IN YOUR LIFE. NEVER PULL YOUR TRICKS OUT TOO EARLY)
Like Beyonce has Sasha Fierce when she's on stage, try your own personal version of a sexual personality. This will help you become more uninhibited. You'll be more willing to take more sexual risks, and guess what, your partner will be stunned because you'll suddenly behave like a person he doesn't know. AND HE'LL LOVE IT! By doing this, you've mentally traveled into another consciousness opening up your prowless. You're not a good girl anymore, you're like Rihanna's more mature sister, ready and willing to do whatever you want to do, to ask for what you need, and to please that special guy in your life. Remember ladies, variety in a relationship can often times curb a man's appetite for other women. Why would he step out if you're 3 different chicks? He shouldn't need anyone else. His woman is literally the woman of his dreams! lol
There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexual fantasies! I truly believe that it helps you become a more daring individual overall. Whenever you can over come a fear, no matter what it is, it makes your next obstacle that much easier to defeat. Becoming pigeonholed in the idea that women cannot be who they want to be, because they have to fit in a specific mold is insanity. Why not try the things you like, with the man you like? There are so many conflicts that involve everyday life, and at best you should be able to be free for an hour or two.
The alter ego is just to help you get outside the box. It's more so about your willingness to see another side of yourself. You don't have to be what everyone one thinks of you all the time. You never do actually. You can be whatever you want to be. It's your life, don't waste it on trying to please other people. Sexuality is your right as a woman. You earned it, through every cycle of your growth, every curve in your figure, and the strength of your own mind. So embody your inner sexiness, let her come out and play. And don't do it because he wants you to, do it because YOU WANT TO.
Remember sexual freedom is at your disposal. Enjoy your night ladies, don't forget to stretch!
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
#Robin Thicke for those of you who aren't familiar; is Justin Timberlake's more soulful, seemingly more mature doppelganger. Recently he and his wife, Paula Patton have separated and he's channeled all of his energy into trying to get her back. On every new single he's released and in every public appearance he looks like he's lost his best friend. Basically, he's looking like a swag-less pitiful shell of a person due to a bunch of bad decisions.
Not really clear on what happened exactly but given the new music he's come out with it, he's compromised the security she felt with being married to a "sex symbol". And let's be clear on something, he wasn't a sex symbol in high school when they first started their relationship. Over time, and most likely due to her help, he became a super star. Don't get me wrong , he did the work, he had the skill, but he was motivated due in part by a very strong support system. My question isn't really about what he did, it's more about how could this heartache been avoided?
I have a theory. Relationships are like a plant. In order to keep a plant alive, you have a few responsibilities. You talk to it, give it the proper light, water it, and make sure the plant is always in a climate that promotes growth. Now here's how we apply this metaphor to real life in relationships.
1. "Talking to it " Communication. Without communication, you really cannot go very far in a relationship. You have to talk to each other when you're happy, sad, or have a conflict. Without communication, your relationship will fail.
2. "Give it the Proper Light and water" Now, here I mean, in order for both parties to be secure in the union both parties need some validation. Meaning if you don't tell your partner that you love them, or that they are special to you, how will they know? Guessing is not a feasible option. This is not that complicated, you can do it in however manner your mate has communicated to you, that they like to feel special (ie, a surprise text message, some flowers, a high five when they do a good job, publicly acknowledging your love), seriously anything will help. But it's very important to not stop doing this. Like the old saying is, "The same thing you did to get the girl, is the same thing you need to do to keep her." This rings true for both parties in a relationship.
3. "Make sure the plant is always in the climate that promotes growth" This means, if you're a famous person like, Robin Thicke, you're not seen on TMZ grabbing booties, or letting little Miley twerk on you publicly for all the world to see. Now, if you're not a celebrity the same thing applies. If you're in a relationship and you're not home enough for your mate to talk to you, or you spend more time trying to be popular, you're actually not giving the relationship the environment it needs to flourish. You can end up planting a seed of doubt which in turn murders the other two steps. Depicting a playboy lifestyle as Robin Thicke did, did not help his relationship at all. The irony is, you don't see Paula Patton throwing her loves scenes with Denzel Washington in his face! She did her job, and went home. That's what you're supposed to do in a marriage. Don't entertain temptation, because in the end, it will undoubtedly get you in a "Smart phones don't cheat" Trey Songz type of issue. This is the equivalent to telling a toddler not to touch the stove, what happens when they do? They get burnt.
Like I said before , I don't know exactly what happened with this relationship; but I do believe that somewhere along the way Paula Patton and Robin Thicke may have missed a step or two. They were married for long time so it's easy to not apply the TLC that's needed for people with really busy lives. In the end though, it's very necessary for the relationship to grow. Often times people assume that once you've married a person, or have spent a considerable length of time in a relationship; the work is done. Completely untrue, there's a reason why it's referred to as a labor of love.. There's actually work involved! If treated properly, you'll avoid crying at pianos like Robin Thicke because you took your relationship for granted.
I truly hope they find their way back together. Or at least mend fences well enough to provide stable parenting for their adorable toddler. I'm sure this misery is going to make his music AWESOME. But I'm not the type to prey on the misery of other's for my own entertainment.
In short, don't let your love fern die! (How to loose a guy in 10 days! Best movie ever) .