Friday, January 24, 2014

Reasons Why Men/Women Cheat...

So.. Watching a reality show one day or a preview of one. There seem to be so many. There is a common theme in the drama of the shows. Infidelity in relationships. So .. I began to ponder. Hey, why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? So here's how we're going to dig into this issue today. Ladies, Men, not putting this out here so you can start checking your significant other's phone or itemizing a check list to destroy them. It's just an open forum, we're just going to talk it out. Let's begin.

First let's define what a RELATIONSHIP really is. A loose translation to a definition I read,  was like, "a sexual, or romantic friendship between 2 people".

Note that the definition states that a relationship is comprised of two people, not six, not one main and a few dip offs. TWO PEOPLE. Now that we've gotten that out the way.. Let's continue

The reasons I believe women cheat:
1. They are not receiving a consistent amount of attention in their relationship
2. They are GREEDY
3. They are angry about some relationship conflict and this is the "revenge"
4. Too scared to end the relationship, for some sort of security reason, (ie, you have a kid together, you've got history, he pays all the bills, you're still not over your ex, you're lazy..)

Women as we know are unfaithful just as much as men, but I've found that they are more clever in masking the infidelity. They don't get caught as much, because men typically don't notice because they often never deviate from their normal routines. Woman get lonely, women crave attention, they need most of the things that men need. We enjoy good sex, all these things between sexes parallel between each other. The difference is, women require all these things ALL THE TIME with CONSISTENCY. Buy me things, treat me well, give me good sex, don't cheat on me, provide for me, make me feel safe, shower me with quality time and affection. NON STOP. And.. ironically, men know this.. just from time to time, men start to loose the energy to maintain a healthy relationship, to constantly feed the egos of women and provide the care, communication and passion that we warrant. Bad news fellas, there's always a guy that's more than willing to promise these things to your girlfriend or wife. ALWAYS. She has a friend or co worker that gets all these things from her man then she starts to look at you like.. humn.. you're not cutting it! There are guys that are willing to do these things for me that you clearly wont.

Ladies STOP.

If this is your life, I have a few comments to throw in. If your man isn't doing the things he used to do in your relationship and you're experiencing a deficit; consider a few things. Have you talked to him about it? Is he going through something outside of your relationship that is distracting him (I.e, employment issues, family problems, stress, weight gain)? If he is..I believe you should probably put that freak'em dress back in the closet and consider what's going on with your man. Are you falling off, did you stop putting out? Are you giving him the attention that he needs? After all, you do care about him right? Let me get this straight though.. don't talk his head off, or round off a bunch of demands. Because just as often as there is a man that can give these things to you, there is about 16 women out there ready and willing to do the things YOU won't do for you man, to him with less drama. Speak in love..Be aware...

Back to our chat..

The reason why men cheat

1. The women don't put out enough, your sex game is terrible
2. They are GREEDY (This one.. my favorite, he once was not used to not getting female attention, all of a sudden he's like a dynamo with the ladies, trim coming at him so much he can't contain himself)
3. You stopped being the person he fell in love with, you walk around with the bonnet on. Only get pretty on your way to work, however you were when he fell for you, you're not this chick anymore, you're a naggy demanding , boring, lazy in the sack, phone checking psycho, who only seems to care about how he used to treat you, and you measure your relationship on your friend's relationships.

Can I stop right there for a second? It really pained me to write that by the way.. Ladies Give me a break.

4. YOU CHEATED ON HIM AND GOT CAUGHT (They always get you back!)
5. You guys have a family together, and he doesn't want to hurt his kids or you for that matter for breaking off the marriage/relationship. (And the woman knows he's unhappy and uses these kids as a bargaining chip)
6. He has mommy/daddy issues. (she wasn't so good to him, she didn't behave well, she didn't provide a stable environment of love. The dad was a cheater, he wasn't a good example etc. )

Bottom line on top. Communication is key in any person to person relationship. You must speak to your significant other, you love them, it's worth the effort. Please, if you decide to run around with someone else protect yourself. As much as sexuality is at the forefront of our culture nowadays, it's important to know that sex can kill you now! Also, please, please, please, if you have been cheated on before, don't carry that damage with you into the next relationship. Allow yourself the time to be heartbroken and move on giving love a clean slate! If the person you're with isn't the right person for you, please don't waste their time and your own running around with someone else.

That was TOUGH. Comments please! I'm no relationship therapist so your opinions are always welcome!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Jealousy is natural, hating is not!

Have you ever had big news to share with friends or family and they totally didn't share in your orgasm of happiness?

I'm sure we've all been there at some point in life. Sometimes it's actually you that's providing the "Voice of reason", "Giving the real". I don't know about you, but I'm just not built that way. I feel as though if something GREAT is happening in someone's life, and I've been a witness to it; I'm happy as if it were me! I mean why not? Energy can be transferred so I figure if it's close enough for me to hear about it, then it's close enough for it to get to me!

I think I see the most of this type of HATER behavior on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, EVEN LINKED IN. You hear someone saying, " Ewe, so and so got a new job. Are they even qualified?". Who gives a hoot?! You should be trying to get those connections to see if there's room at that company for you? Or perhaps perk up your own resume.

So people please don't block your own good fortune by throwing shade on others. Stand under that limelight like it was your goodness! Don't waste time being stuck in your feelings because someone's windfall came before yours. Spread love, continue to encourage, and wait for your good fortune to pour right in.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

What does being an adult actually mean?

Some people say as women, when you reach the age of 18 you are an adult. I looked up adulthood, and ran upon this very poetic definition. " Adulthood- mature and sensible, not childish" . So I took another second to think further.. have I reached adulthood? Am I sensible? I'd like to think that I am but you know.. that can be open for speculation!

Growing up, I would try to find examples of strong, dignified poised women to map my maturity after, and for the most part, until I was about 20, I did my best to be just like all of those examples. Pulling my resources together and creating a super adult, a composite character of my most famed examples! A woman that holds her liquor, smart, speaks with purpose, spiritually connected, dresses to kill, and smokes a mean pack of cigarettes. (Now of course, that wasn't the part I was supposed to extract but go figure).

Something like these chicks: 

But in my early twenties I was more like.. (Get ready)

This was more fun! All that fun propelled me to be a mom at around 23! Quick slow down lol..

Now.. back on track.. I'm more of a cross between that ciara pic, and something like..

This is a happy medium for me, I work hard, I play hard on occasion and I can still fix a problem like no body's business. I say all this to say, that for today, being an adult doesn't mean that you're boring, it just means, you know that when you go to the store, your husband forgot to tell you that he needed socks, so you buy them. You know your son needs Doritos for a field trip that's going to happen in two weeks, and you also know that if you're going to go to the club.. and you have availability to take a nap, you should TOTALLY DO IT. And let me tell you one thing, taking naps is not something that I would not have done back in the day, I could probably stay awake for 24 hrs at a time, but now.. you give me a pillow and 45 minutes, I can take over the universe!

What do you guys think about my first official blog post? Let's get some dialogue going.. What does adulthood mean to you?

I'm ready for the world, so look out!

So I've had this blog open for nearly two years and have not dared to post. Wondering why that is, I realized a few things about myself.

1. I have a bunch of opinions about everything, and very little organization in my brain
2. I love to put my foot in my mouth
3. I sort of care what people think.

That being said, now that I'm 30 years old, happy in my own skin;  I've decided, I'll say what I want! Hey it's america, we have free speech here." Game on! lol

So for all those of you, who have lots of feelings, and don't like to poke fun at yourselves, I suggest you turn away immediately. This is not the blog for you.. You may learn a lot about yourself, you may not, but you will be thoroughly entertained.

I'm going to discuss whatever, whenever so please sit back , relax, and enjoy the ride.