A few days ago, I had a conversation with a friend who was giving me an update on a budding relationship. She's a strong independent woman who has decided to have a physical relationship with a man, but to maintain a publicly platonic relationship (sex with no strings). She says that she doesn't want to get any emotional attachments with the man so she's been having problem with him kissing her in the mouth. (The first thought I had of this was Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) . Anyhow, she says that kissing is far too intimate and would rather not be that close to him.
The wheels started to turn in my head and I thought, humn, I should do some research on this. And so I did, I polled about 15 people for a mini research project( only the folks that know my questions can sometimes, get sexual and they wouldn't cringe by participating). So guess what I asked them?
1. Do you believe kissing is more intimate than sex?
2. Can you have sex with someone for the first time, without kissing them?
3. When did you adapt this rule ?
So... out of the 15 people that I polled, the majority them agree with my dear friend, in the fact that kissing is more intimate. There were a few who could not do one without the other, and some of them who just said, if the partner needs it, then, they'll do it , but they can take it or leave it.
I really had to put myself outside of my "married brain " and dig a bit deeper to find my own theory. I grew up around a lot of males, and when they didn't kiss a girl, she was "apart of the team" meaning she would be discarded, and typically only be used for the night. Personally, I paid attention to these conversations, so anyone who told me that they "didn't do kissing" had those less than pure intentions, so guess what, they didn't get any!
Then I did some more research and science does agree. Kissing is a far more intimate act than certain sexual positions. Obviously, incorporating certain positions with kissing makes the act far more passionate and intimate. However, if I don't want to kiss you, you certainly can't have me! And that's a true testament to how I feel about myself and what I'm worth. My breath is good, I'm a good kisser, my lips aren't chapped. Kiss me. Also, it was rare while I was dating that I even wanted a short term affair, so that's how I can say this..
Now the initial question of this post is, does the no kissing rule really work? If you're just trying to have a one night stand, and you won't be spending anymore fun nights with this person then yes. (You can actually have several of these moments, just don't kiss your partner). It can work, because you have found away to make the "love below " area, a vessel of satisfaction and nothing more. So if you would like to continue to use sex as merely as an urge to be scratched, and nothing personal, keep at it. I just ask that all of you, stay protected, because you don't want to slip up and have an 18 year contract with a person you NEVER liked; Or WORSE (THE PACKAGE IS REAL). BE CAUTIOUS THOUGH!!!
Truthfully, I'm still apart of the old school who believe that the majority of women, have the inept ability to confuse a sexual relationship with a real one. But ladies, if he's not holding your hand, introducing you to his friends, calling you and asking you about your day, and really listening to you: Kissing or not, you're not a potential mate, you're just on the "team". And Men.... if a woman doesn't do the same, guess what? You are indeed apart of the team as well. No need to take any time to "define the relationship" or wonder if she'll sweat you, because if she hasn't already.. guess what? She won't.
Stay tuned, this is an interesting subject so I wrote a short story about it.. I'll post it in the next few days.